I know, I know. I’ve been absent.
If you follow me on Instagram, then you’ll know that I arrived in France in one piece, and have spent my time over the last month doing a bit of gardening, cooking, walking, sleeping, and not much else. I spend the most amount of time sitting in an armchair mindlessly scrolling through Twitter and Pinterest. In short, I’ve done some stuff, but I’ve not started on my goals for whilst I’m here. In short, I’ve been kinda lazy.
I’ve been continuing my therapy via Skype on a fortnightly basis, and this past week my therapist and I talked about the need to make yourself uncomfortable. I’m afraid of making myself uncomfortable, and that has led to being stagnant on way too many occasions, including this one. I came to France with grand ideas about running every day, eating bowls of salad like a stock image model, and sunning myself and reading a boat load of books. But I haven’t done any of that (except get sunburn).
I’m quite a fearful person. I’m afraid of taking risks and of putting myself into uncomfortable situations. Because of this, I’m reluctant to grow in positive ways. I’m often forced into dark corners by the world where I have to grow to survive, but I can’t remember the last time I made the decision to grow from a place of positivity and prosperity. So, that’s gotta change.
I need to put on my Big Girl pants. I need to do things that frighten me and challenge me, and I need to make plans and hold myself accountable. For so long I’ve struggled with holding myself accountable because frankly, I don’t care about myself enough to do so. But this has got to change. That’s no way to live my life. My 20s have been consumed by that poison, and I can’t allow the next 3 years to be swallowed up too.
So I’ve made a plan. I’ve scheduled in every waking moment of my day onto my Google calendar and made to-do lists. I’ve set alarms for an earlier wake-up time, and earlier sleep times. I’ve written out the morning and evening routines I want to follow, and I’ve scheduled in my work out times.
I’m pulling my socks up and making myself a priority, and I’m sharing the journey with you all as another way to hold myself accountable.